How to cope best with a parent with depression?

I'm not a doctor. You definitely sound like you have had to grow up well before your time. This isn't exactly the same but I was married years ago to a man whose father ran off, left his mom with five kids and since he was the oldest, he had to grow up very quickly. He had a scholarship to go to school and gave it up. My point is - because he had to grow up so quickly - he regressed later on. I was married to him during the time of his regression and I couldn't handle it. I only mention this because as sorry as I felt for him, I had to protect myself. With that said, which grandmother is it - your mother's or your father's? If it's your mother's mother, then she may have her own issues dealing with your mother. The fact that you went over there to "get away" and didn't appreciate what she did for you is very understandable. You just wanted to be somewhere and hang out and be a kid. Either way, if it's your mother's mother or your father's, even though she's an adult, she wants to be appreciated and that's unfortunate for you because it sounds to me like the two of you need a healthy relationship with everything that your mother's condition brings on the family. My advice is to call your local mental health center or family service center and go talk to someone about this. Most of what your feeling is a natural consequence of what you've experienced. Also, if you get help, then your little brother will see that he too can grow up and find a way to be healthy. Do everything you can to find healthy outlets, the more you do that the better you will be at handling being at home sometimes and around your mother. Those kinds of illnesses have a domino effect. If she can't take care of herself and doesn't take her medication, it's a role reversal and you become the parent and not the child. You definitely need some outside support so that you can remain healthy and go on and have a healthy life and accept what you've been through and the fact that your mother most likely won't get better. Good luck. I wish you the best.